Dating & "Hooking Up"

There are arguments within Christianity in favor of dating and opposed to the practice of dating. Some of the arguments that oppose the practice of dating revolve around the idea that dating is competitive. Those who believe this want to return to a "more formal system of dating" that's purpose to "identify a good marriage partner" and places "strict limitations on sexual intimacy." I don't agree with the 'anti-daters' who argue that dating in our current social context is "essentially practice for divorce." The arguments in favor of dating contest the 'anti-daters' theories; these arguments revolve around learning from people that one dates, preparing one to care for another on a deeper level, and providing the grounds for "personal transformation." I agree with the 'pro-daters' theories because they are more realistic. If one doesn't date, how is one supposed to find out the type of person one is looking to have as a future life partner? What would happen if one got married to someone one later found out that had nothing in common with one? I believe it is important, especially as one matures, for one to be able to decide what qualities and characteristics one believes will make a suitable partner to fit where one wants to go in life, individually and collectively. Also, when one dates, one learns how to care for someone on a different level than one cares of oneself or one's family; it is a life skill that is needed in order to make connections. Through the arguments/disagreements/hard times during dating relationships, one will learn how to handle oneself and difficult situations, another life skill. Most prevalently, one can learn about oneself in a new way. When one dates, one discovers latent ideas possessed by oneself that were not apparent till needed and other things about oneself. Dating shapes a person's perception.

This argument compares with the experience of my peers and 'contemporaries' in an interesting way. The "dating period [can be divided] into three eras: high school, college, and emerging adulthood." In high school, people tend to be influenced by their friends, the expectations of society, and the expectations of their parents. In college, people have more freedom to experience dating in their own way, but it becomes more confusing and leads to conversations about serious commitment. The period of emerging adulthood is the most complicated because it involves deciding what one is going to do the rest of one's life and who, if anyone, one wants to spend that time. Generally, I feel that my generation is pro-dating because people like to get to know another person, especially if there is a possibility of a romantic relationship ensuing. People I know have learned qualities that they do and don't like in other people by dating; they have also learned more about themselves in the process and to what length they believe romantic relationships should play in their lives.

The article "Conflict Over Hook-Up Culture" from Busted Halo described the 'hook-up' culture prevalent in colleges and universities. The article compares to the earlier described arguments by showing how dating has changed over the years, including how it is seen by some groups of people. A 'hook-up' can be described as six or more different things, ranging from kissing to sexual intercourse. Any type of hooking-up first can lead to a 'awkward' situations, starting relationships off on the wrong foot, or horrible acts such as date rape. Since most people believe a 'hook-up' should be meaningful, the after effects can be devastating or great, depending on the outcome; this is especially true for women because men tend to participate in the act for just pure pleasure. The media and rumors inflate the ‘hook-up’ culture, but in actuality, not everyone is doing it; one should follow one's own path - morals and values - and participate in what one is comfortable. As seen throughout time, if one doesn't like something, take action to change what one wishes to see in the world.

Some Say Love...

The qualities of love that I seek in a committed relationship are trust, loyalty, friendship, compromise, comfort, patience and respect. I don't listen to any songs that revolve around the "soul mate" idea, but have listened to songs that include the qualities that I seek in a relationship. One very important quality is trust; "Learning to Breathe" by Switchfoot contains this line, "I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall," which explain that having someone that you can always count on to believe you and be there to catch you when you fall is vital to a relationship. Loyalty is also an important quality; "Everything About You" by One Direction contains these lines, "You know I've always got your back girl, so let me be the one you come running to, running to... You just call my name and I'll be coming through, coming through / On the other side of the world, it don't matter / I'll be there in two," which shows how someone who truly cares about you would do anything to be with you or to help you when you need it. I believe that you can't have a meaningful relationship without a solid base of friendship; "Lucky" by Jason Mraz includes these lyrics, "Lucky I'm in love with my best friend... Lucky we're in love in every way," which perfectly sums up how I want my future relationships to be built upon. Also, being able to compromise is a valuable quality; "93 Million Miles" by Jason Mraz has a line that states, "Just know, you’re never alone, you can always come back home," which may not look like it relates to compromising. The lyric implies you can compromise by being able to do your own thing, but if it doesn't work out, there's always a place or activity that two people can do together. The quality of being able to comfort one another is a significant quality; "Be There" by Allstar Weekend contains the lyrics, "From now till forever, I'll be there for you whenever... I'll hold you down when you're thinking there's nobody else, I'll be around where you're looking for somebody to help," which demonstrates the power of being there for one another on a bad day or when you just need someone with which to talk. Finally, patience and respect are essential qualities needed in a committed relationship; "Heartbeat" by The Fray contains a line that states, " 'Cause if you love someone, you love them all the same," which means that no matter what, you stick by the person for better or worse, in good times and bad, and respect who one is as a person and one's decisions.

A soul mate is considered the one person that is perfect for another person. I don't believe in the quest for 'soul mates' as described in the article because many people wonder if a person really has a 'soul mate' that is the only one they can be happily in relationship with for the rest of their life. On one hand, I understand the people who believe in a soul mate and their point of view: the assumption is that their other half is out there, just like them, looking for someone whose hand fits perfectly in theirs. On the other hand, I agreed with the article's point of view: "someone you click with" is important, but putting all the pressure on one person to make you happy is unrealistic. How can another person make you happy if you're not happy independently as well? Just because someone isn't 'your true other half' doesn't mean that the relationship will be doomed; it could become "mature love" and outlast the initial lust of love. Also, expectations of someone who is one's 'soul mate' could not be met and then leave one miserable and completely lost, wondering what one's purpose is now. Personally, the arguments rejecting the idea of 'soul mates' outweigh the arguments in favor of the idea of 'soul mates.'